“This column is a prelude to my book, I wouldn’t recognise me now…”  Christopher Stafford

It’s heart breaking how sometimes you can really lose your mind and do things you would never normally do, you rhapsodize. You get caught up in the hype until your senses return to you. Love plays you for a fool. How could you have put all of you into one person, took a gamble that was never going to pay off, the odds were against you from the very start. How could I believe and hang on his every word like some fool, love’s blinded eyes couldn’t see the real him yet in my moments of clarity I could.

A user, a liar a wayward child who only thought of himself yet with the writing on the wall I climbed over it and lost myself in the arms of one of life’s losers. With no ambition and no urge to support himself he would feed off me financially gaining all the time whilst I was emotionally bankrupt.

Regrettably I followed my heart believing in him, feeling sorry for the way life had rendered him so needy. He could never have enriched my life I knew this yet I wanted the best for him despite the way he played games with my own life.

His conversations were painfully weak, maybe it was love but I think it was more so my illusion of him being someone destined for me that had me in a daze but in truth we just were not the same.

I should have listened for the first time in my life to my mind. Instead of trusting the mind of the matter, I travelled the crooked highway of the heart to a place where only fools end up. On the journey my thoughts were like racing cars running around my head, they would burst into flames and crash into my bed. Travelling further down the path I felt like the life I was living was making no sense, sometimes my face got pushed against the fence and I’d scream out in self- defense. The heart was selling me a lie.

Meeting others on the journey I saw people like myself who had worn their hearts on their sleeves, people who had fallen for pretences and like all doomed romances believed the lies instead of facing the truth. Others had been taken for a ride or who had simply not believed that another human being could treat another that way.

It’s always hard to believe cold, manipulative people exist unless you have met a few. But the highway of the heart is also a joyous one at times. That’s what makes it all so confusing. I do believe it is only in following your heart that we truly feel alive instead of just existing, despite the lessons you will inevitably learn.

My whole live I have made decisions right or wrong based on the instinct of my heart. It allowed me to have the courage to travel, meet some incredible people and experience more than one or two once in a life time moments. It also blinded me to reality at times. It created a tornado of emotion that flourished around me furiously. It clouded my judgement to the fact that whilst I was trying the other person was in denial.

Simply the heart never learns. The heart will never be afraid of taking chances, searching in the dark with no concerns it is the epicentre of all emotions that run through your veins. It’s the voice with no reason that is why it can easily be taken advantage of.

In the war of our two minds, Should we follow our hearts or minds? The mind may be the voice of reason but can it ever teach you the lessons the heart will? Sad but true we all need to fall apart at times and travel that crooked highway of the heart. Without taking that journey how would ever know real love? Have you ever wrapped yourself in arms of someone and felt empty ?

Have you ever found yourself in someone’s arms and had no fear of losing everything? Meeting the right one will surely show you how wrong the others where. Yes you will look back with a sting but as much as one person can be right for you, some can just be so wrong for you. I really am thankful for my struggles because through it all I have learnt that I am resilliant. Getting back up again and again leads to self realisation.

The path I have travelled has had bizarre twists and turns that have opened my eyes, forcing me to find solutions so discovering the truth would not lead to a loss of hope. Ultimately the path has turned back on itself leading me closer to myself and where I began. With more wisdom on my left and a few broken dreams on my right I will listen closely to my heart but my mind will have the final say.

The heart is ever hopeful, sometimes you may be broken but you will return not down on your luck just more yourself.