Let go and face the aftermath. You will learn so much about yourself, says columnist Christopher Stafford
It hurts like hell to let go. Don’t stay if he does nothing for you. Let go and face the aftermath. You will learn so much about yourself.
So many people stay in relationships that are nothing more than habit. I’ve heard people say they would rather be with someone than be out there on their own; “I don’t love them but what would I do by myself?”
Even after boyfriends have cheated on friends I’ve seen them beg to take them back. How do you climb into bed at night next to someone who makes you feel nothing except the feeling of not being alone? How many of us have stayed in relationships to avoid the aftermath that ending it brings? It’s the denial that you are standing still in an unfulfilling partnership. So many times I’ve seen friends risk everything for someone who was just playing with their emotions never committing or giving much away.
I’ve watched the guessing game unfold so many times ‘Does he love me?’ ‘Will he leave him?’ ‘He says he loves me but….’ Sometimes the answers are in the questions we ask.
It’s almost as if we know the truth but we fight against it. Loneliness might be the worst feeling of all, but an uninspiring relationship with a half-hearted boyfriend is much worse. I’ve seen people stay together for an easy life, financial and material gain but with no spark or chemistry how could it ever be fulfilling.
When the objection of your affection gives nothing back it becomes tiresome. I have stood on the edge and offered my entirety to someone, it’s only after letting go of the idea of someone, facing the truth that the aftermath brings, I realised that they could never be mine as they were the most important person in their life.
In walking through the maze of despair and hitting every wall, by feeling all the emotions you try to hide you finally accept the truth of your relationship for what it was and not what you would have liked it to be. The aftermath is like a hibernation period, a time to reboot, learn and then grow. After deciding to let go many of us run into the arms of someone else to help with the moving on yet this mostly brings on feelings of longing.
Face the heartbreak, allow the hurt to wash over you then stop looking into the rear view mirror and accept that life is full of pleasure and pain, we have to experience both, how else would we tell them apart? Yet the one lucky enough to be called your partner should lean more towards pleasure than pain.
By Christopher Stafford