Stop the world spinning, just let me say this. Keep your heart beating before time slips away. Everything going on outside tonight has no importance than this moment with you. Unsure of how to say these last words, it’s not time for you to leave me.

Feelings don’t ‘go away’, it’s not going to be easy to see you slip out of this world. In some strange way I thought you would always be around, immortal like your words. As a child I confided in you about all I was going through, we had all the time in the world to discuss the next step and how my life would turn out. You worried because I care too much. Now time is running out. The conversation is nearly over. What my mind denies my heart nudges me fiercely to remind me that time is now more precious than ever.

I can feel you slipping away, as I grab your hand it’s almost as if I lose my grip. My eyes feel like they’re taking pictures all of a sudden to emblazon you on my mind. I know I can’t stop you taking this journey without me. So please always know that I’ll be forever thankful for knowing you, for every time you put me back together. For listening for hours on end when I was making no sense.

For making me laugh in the face of tears, for accepting me for who I was without question. For believing in me when it felt like so many others didn’t. You gave me strength to face up to myself. Please don’t leave this world not knowing how much you meant to me. You pushed me to go traveling and I knew how much you loved hearing my updates from place to place. Just like a friend we could share everything. How can a moment like this feel so bittersweet, how can I have this last conversation with you knowing you will soon be a million miles away?

Although time can never change what I shared with you, it is the fear that you will fade from my memory that petrifies me. Life is going to carry on so must I. I will be taking with me all you have taught me and hopefully become the person you always wanted me to be. Getting used to a world without you could take a lifetime. I care too much still. I have to let this hurt wash over me and for what I am losing I must remember what I gained from knowing you: Strength, determination and pride. Even though you had so many more years on your side you never judged my choices because as you said love is love.

Losing you from my world has made me realise that time gave me a window to be here. Years, as swift as a day before you know go blazing away. I’m going to live like forever is now because time waits for no one. There is no way to bargain with the future.

There are no last words to say now, just a look only we share that acknowledges the token you have left me. Memories that will always help me visualise you smiling back at me for always.

I would do anything gladly to see you again.

Written by Christopher Stafford