Desperate
The end of the night crushes your heart. No one takes you home. You have dressed yourself up to the top of your Calvin’s. You are desperate for that attention; it will mean the world to you for someone, anyone to take your hand tonight.
Anticipating, waiting in hope that maybe he is here tonight. I feel your frequency. I have seen you on that dance floor delicately flirting. You seem out of touch like you are dealing with a strange currency. I don’t know you but I can tell you just want anybody to connect with you tonight. I can feel your urgency.
You look beautiful yet you are dancing with someone that when morning steals the darkness of night you will think why? Did I do that? After tonight don’t you want him to remember your name? Don’t give yourself away; you are being short changed on the dance floor. I don’t know what has made you dance that way tonight but vulnerability can leave you languishing and even though you know your worth you don’t have the strength to back it up. So you are letting the vultures take a piece of you. And they will. Don’t let someone get the best of you. But you will. We all have. The strobe lights tonight awaken every smile. Every smile is illuminated, the lights engage with the music and you find yourself hating the thought of day and the truth it brings.
The night is a shadow over day don’t forget that morning will be the angel to the devil on your shoulder tonight. His kisses are soft and sweet but tomorrow they will taste sour it’s not a poetic comparison but it is real, if you are reading this on the train to work you will taste what I am writing.
The void you are searching to compensate will not be found in taking him home. But you will. The last song is about to play your bodies are synchronised yet your eyes seem awkward as if your sober self is judging the dance. Did heartbreak pave the way for you to come out tonight and sell your soul to appease the heart? You can’t replace a feeling. I feel awkward watching you, because I have been you. Sold myself short to potentially feel better I didn’t. Let my guard down to hopefully feel better. I only felt imprisoned in regret.
The alcohol is dancing its own dance within you so you take him home. You wouldn’t look twice normally. As your bodies engage tonight I guess you heart will be vacant.
Sometimes we find ourselves in situations and dance routines that are alien and out of time. Sometimes our lips get locked on lips that don’t make us feel better. When we sell ourselves short, and sex ourselves emptily we need to take it on the chin and accept we can’t chase a feeling. We can’t expect a one night stand to redeem us. Take a lesson from that strangeness you feel this morning and realise that you feel hollow because you are worth more, much more.
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